How to Drop Bad Habits for Good in 5 Easy Steps

Hello friends this will be the last newsletter I write…

…On this platform.

We’re moving onto bigger things and that means I’ll be writing from the blog page of my new website.

Please check the link below to opt-in to the new mailing list if you’d like to continue receiving the weekly email newsletter.

Why are you like this?

Have you ever wondered why you knowingly do things that:

• Cause you pain?

• Waste your time?

• Damage your health?

I used to constantly drive around with a bag of sugary sweets in my car. Haribo Tangfantastics, Skittles and then the ultimate fruit flavoured TikTaks.

It started out as a treat after finishing work to alleviate the unbearable stress, hunger and exhaustion I felt. Straight after getting in my car I would pour the box of TikTaks into my mouth and delight in the sweet sugary goodness whilst driving home. Just hearing them rattle in the box made me feel better.

I still remember the exact thought process that went through my mind as my Dentist was advising me to stop eating them.

‘I need to stop or I’ll get dental cavities and need painful fillings and root canal procedures’

But I knew that I was probably going to continue because I just couldn’t help myself.

It was actually quite surreal being a patient on the other side of advice. I was conscious of all the times I’d advised people to stop smoking or drinking knowing full well that they weren’t going to do it.

I thought to myself does he know that I know I’m not going to do it?

Have you ever asked yourself “why am I like this?”  as if you have no control over your own actions.

You look above to some higher power to change you into the type of person who has got all their shit together.

You know you need to change, you know what you’re doing is bad for you

But you keep doing it anyway

The next thing you know you’re:

• A functional alcoholic

• Smoking like a chimney

• Binge eating for no reason

• Drowning in constant Anxiety

• Glued to your phone horny for any notification

• Playing the video game until the early hours of the morning

Oh no consequences!

About 12 months after I had that moment of knowing disobedience with the dentist I woke up overnight in agony.

I shot up clutching my jaw and dashed to the bathroom mirror to see whether my face had exploded.

I looked at myself and thought ‘you idiot, now you’ve got toothache because of those damn sweets’.

Between that night and the root canal I ended up having I was able to drop my sweetie mobile habit quicktime.

This was about 5 years ago.

Recently I started to think more deeply about why we knowingly persist with bad habits.

• Imagine just being able to control yourself.

• Imagine being able to see the true consequences of your bad behaviours in the moment and feel a repulsion rather than a compulsion.

• Imagine setting yourself a goal which involves good habits, like exercising, focused work, dieting etc and never having to worry about slipping up.

All of this is possible, you just need to know the right buttons in your brain to push.

Habit Loops

‘Unwinding Anxiety’ by Dr Judson Brewer is a great book to read if you suffer from anxiety, but is also a great book to learn about habits in general.

In the book he explains Anxiety as a habit that is learned as part of a reward based habit loop.

Every behaviour (Habit) we exhibit occurs for a reason, whether its eating sweets, smoking, binge eating or excessive worrying. Yes just the act of anxious worrying is a behaviour.

When we initially start the behaviour we receive some sort of reward as a result. Some are simple, some are complex, but a reward is a reward as far as the brain is concerned.

Simple reward = The pleasant taste of sugar, fat, salt from eating

Complex rewards:

• Distracting yourself from stress or anxiety by doom scrolling social media.

• Anticipating all the bad stuff that could happen at work tomorrow by worrying excessively, hence ‘doing something’

Habit loops are created by our caveman brains to help us survive, therefore if an action is rewarding it gets repeated.

The habit loop is then remembered to ensure we continue to seek survival resources like food, safety and sex or avoid dangers like Sabre Tooth Tigers.

The problem is that the reward value of the habit loop result may change over time. For example

• Trigger: Feel Stressed

• Behaviour: Eat sweets

• Result coded: Feel good (High reward value)

• Updated Result: Dental cavities, Toothe ache, Root canals (Low Reward Value)

• Trigger: Sunday night Anxiety feelings

• Behaviour: Worry about work

• Result coded: Distraction from Anxious feeling. Mental preparation for every bad thing that might happen. (High reward value)

• Updated Result: Feel even more Anxiety (Low reward value)

Your logical thinking brain gets the updated result of the habit loop and can assign a new reward value. If the behaviour was purely up to it then the habit loop would cease as there is no longer any reward in it.

You might have immense will power and be able ‘just stop’ temporarily.

But remember when you’re stressed, your thinking brain goes offline and it’s the emotional brain that runs the show.

That’s why I knew I wouldn’t stop eating the sweets when the dentist first advised me, I knew at times when I was stressed I would just start eating them again.

Its your emotional caveman brain that actually controls the behaviour. Unfortunately it continues to run the habit loop on the reward value of the original result.

That’s why when you try and think or will your way out of a harmful habit behaviour it doesn’t work.

Its kinda like riding an enraged bull and trying to get it to stop by purely by thinking about it stopping.

The emotional brain only becomes aware of the updated result by ‘feeling’ the consequences. Then it finally listens to the logical thinking brain that’s been trying to tell it the reward value of the behaviour has changed.

The problem is that we can’t afford to wait for the emotional update event to occur.

There’s no satisfaction of ‘I told you so’ coming from the thinking brain, you just feel like a fool. (And you have agonising tootheache!)

Leveraging your Emotional Brain to overcome bad habits

So how do we get the emotional brain to see reason?

Step 1

You need to become aware of your habit loops and map out the trigger, behaviour and result.

Figuring this out can be quite satisfying in itself as you can actually understand why you’re doing the things you do. “Oh that’s why I’m like this”

It will give you a sense of “ah it all makes sense now”, you’re not just doing it for no reason there was actually a understandable reward involved.

Acknowledge your mind is just trying to help you and view it with compassion instead of beating yourself up.

After step 1 you understand why the bad habit is repeating, i.e the originally coded habit loop.

But don’t try and stop the habit yet.

Step 2

You need to identify the NEW result and reward value of the habit loop.

• What actually happens as a result of the behaviour?

• How is this result serving you?

• Is there a real reward or is there just the illusion of a reward?

You’ve probably had the habit for a long time, its not going anywhere soon. The idea is to train your logical/thinking brain through repetition to become one with the bull.

Remember to zoom out and think objectively about the facts of the situation. Consider what your assessment would be if a friend started doing the same harmful behaviour.

The fact that you want to change means the reward you identified in step 1 is not valid anymore, let that go and focus only on the new result.

Step 3

Raise awareness of the NEW habit loop through repetition.

Bring it to mind whenever you do the habit.

Every time you find yourself exposed to the trigger or doing the behaviour ask yourself the same questions in step 2

The goal here still isn’t to force yourself to stop the habit, the goal is just to increase awareness of the new habit loop through repetition. Gradually the new result becomes more of a persistent presence in your mind.

You’re using your thinking brain to get your emotional brain to gradually buy into the new reward value.

Step 4

Accelerate the progress toward the final step by practicing mindfulness.

Mindfulness is basically being aware of the thoughts and sensations your mind produces.

The majority of the time we live in autopilot mode and don’t stop to think about what we’re doing because it saves time and is just easier.

But with mindfulness we actually wake up and pay attention to what’s going on. So practicing regularly via short 10-20 minute meditations makes it much easier for us to become aware of the triggers, thoughts and feelings involved in our habit loops.

Also anxiety and depression are a trigger for a number of harmful habits. Mindfulness decreases the activity of the part of the brain responsible for perseveration which fuels anxiety and depression.

For example you and I may have the exact same experience of having an intense argument with someone. You keep thinking about it persistently and become anxious and depressed, whereas I may not give it a second thought and feel fine.

When we practice mindfulness our senses are heightened and we give ourselves a greater chance to discover the real rewards of the habit loops.

Step 5

This final step is when you can ‘feel’ a visceral repulsion from doing the behaviour.

Your emotional brain has finally bought in and is now able to use its power to help cancel the habit loop as soon as its triggered.

With your thinking and emotions working together you can go through the following process to cancel your habit loop whenever triggered.

1) Recognise the difficult feelings or urges associated with your trigger

2) Consciously accept them and allow them to exist

3) Investigate the sensations and emotions that are developing in your body.

Become curious about them. Curiosity is naturally rewarding, it can distract from difficult feelings and can replace dysfunctional habit loop rewards.

4) Observe yourself during the process and just note what’s going on.

Your observing it as if it weren’t happening to you, it simply an occurence that you are aware of and making notes.

It prevents your emotional brain getting involved because it doesn’t feel under threat as its not happening to you.

The key is to be able to ask questions about your feelings, sensations and urges whilst they are arising.

Then before you know it they will be gone.

That’s all for now

Thanks for reading

Lewis

P.S

Lews Letter is moving platform! I’m going to be writing from the blog page of my new website from now on.

Please check the link below to opt-in to the new mailing list if you’d like to continue receiving the weekly newsletter.