How I Defeated my Guardian Monster

I reach for my phone as I swing my legs off the side of the bed, I sit for a few seconds peering into the darkness.

I look at the glaring light of my phone screen just to be sure, its 4.30am and my alarm says ‘RISE AND GRIND’. My body is already moving as my brain starts to boot up, it knows the drill no thought is required.

Its Feb 2019, a couple of weeks after I had failed the most important exam in my professional life.

That news had devastated me, I'd never felt so depressed.

I’d put everything I had into getting that exam over and done with and I had nothing left. My health and fitness was rock bottom and I had built up a mountain of admin.

The thought of resitting it again was like smearing shit over the already shattered pieces of my life.

I didn’t think I’d ever be able to clean it up and put it back together.

• There wasn’t enough time

• I didn’t have enough energy

• I had too much other work to do

• I had too much performance anxiety.

All these mental barriers stood in my way at this moment in my life.

But that’s not where the story ends.

Do you have mental barriers?

You don't have to wait for a life shattering event to consider this.

Do you ever feel like you could do more? Are you just kind of coasting through life and hoping for the best, but deep down you know you’re not where you want to be or something just doesn’t feel right?

You can’t quite put into words what it is, you don’t know what you want but you know that its not what you’ve got.

You might look around at other people and see those that are doing better than you and feel a certain way. You might see those that are the same as you and think well they seem to be happy so it can’t be that bad.

And of course those that are doing worse than you may make you feel superior. But hold on before boarding the gratitude train to nowhere.

If you had the choice to stay where you are now for the rest of your life

or

Become the best version of yourself, the version that gives you life, fulfillment and satisfaction from being your true authentic self and living a live of purpose.

What would you do?

The answer may seem easy objectively but its not… Its not easy because of barriers.

Where do they come from?

There are so many barriers in life we face that stop us from making the choices that lead to our best life. They come in all shapes and forms. Physical barriers are the easiest to overcome because you can see them. Mental barriers however that’s a whole different ball game.

Social and cultural conditioning can construct mental barriers in our minds without us even knowing. They are buried deep and fixed tightly.

Our brains take information from past experience and project it into the future to figure out whats likely to happen. Past failures and uncomfortable emotions tend to have the most impact. Therefore we may receive very negative forecasts about the future.

Even if we are able to identify the barriers, we may think,

‘Nope’ that’s too much for me.

I’m not strong enough to tackle that I’m going to fail and die.

My life will be over so there’s no point in trying.

Our ego comes in and tries to reassure us by making excuses. ‘Its not our fault’, ‘we don’t have responsibility for these circumstances’, ‘its out of our control’.

It tells you the rest of the group are the same as you, its only a few unique people that have managed to change. They are just special cases, they’re the abnormal oddities, the freaks, its better to be normal and fit in, don't try and be special.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Its all very well meaning but more in the way that my cat is well meaning when she brings giant live moths into the house. (I have a phobia of moths, it’s a real thing!).

Guardian Monsters and Barrier Gates

I find it helpful to visualise my mental barriers with a concept I call The Guardian Monster and the Barrier Gates.

Your Guardian Monster is similar to your Guardian Angel, but instead of protecting you from harm, it prevents you from thriving.  

The Barrier Gates are the gates through which everything you could ever want lies to the other side of.

The Guardian Monster stands guard in front of the Barrier Gates.

As someone who’s always been naturally quiet and introverted I’ve spent a lot of time in my head. When I was younger I frequently went to the Barrier Gates and sized up my Gigantic Guardian Monster.

I wanted to face it but it was too strong. I thought there's no way, I’ll be crushed with one blow, I’ll never be able to get past this monster.

I could only sneak a look beyond the Barrier Gates and long for the life on the other side. I’d imagine getting some magical buff that gave me super strength or the ability to shrink the monster down. Then I'd kick it aside and pass through the barrier to my dream life.

I wished and prayed to just wake up one day and possess all the powers I lacked:

• Confidence

• Charisma

• Being able to speak in public without crumbling to pieces.

I fantasied about it for a while, I just lived in my imagination on the other side of the Barrier Gates without having to face the Guardian Monster.

As I got older I found that drugs and alcohol would let me walk through the Barrier Gates temporarily. But in an immaterial form not able to truly touch or interact with anything on the other side.

It felt amazing until the effect wore off. Then the guardian monster came and kicked my ass straight back to the otherside and then trampled me some more for the audacity to try and cheat past it.

It didn’t occur to me for a long time that I could train myself to get as hench as the Guardian Monster. I could gradually grow to the size where I could challenge it to a fair 1 v 1.

I could beat it and pass through the Barrier Gates and if it ever decided to come for me I’d beat it again.

I’m hoping this metaphor is making sense because it changed everything for me.

Get Mentally Jacked and beat the Guardian Monster

Everyone has different Guardian Monsters and they will be built based on a mix of our:

• Natural disposition

• Genetics

• Upbringing

• Experiences

• Culture and Societal expectations

Some people have small monsters that they can just brush aside. But most of us are so terrified just by the sight of our gigantic monsters that we just don’t even bother its not worth getting beat up.

Its uncomfortable, its awkward, its humiliating. Whatever is on the other side of the Barrier Gates isn’t worth it. Its only the people with the teeny tiny Guardian Monsters that can get past, they are just lucky.

What if I told you that the people you see that have clearly reached the other side of the Barrier Gates have their own Gigantic Guardian Monsters.

What if I told you these people are in the mental gym grinding everyday working on themselves so they don’t get dragged back across the Barrier Gates?

I told myself enough was enough, passing this exam would get me to the other side of the Barrier Gates. It was time to face my Guardian Monster.

Here's what I did:

1. I sought support from trusted people. My trainers and my colleagues helped me learn from my failure and focus on what I needed to do to succeed.

2. I sought balance. I made a list of everything that I needed to achieve in my work life, social life and personal health.

3. I devised a timeline up until the resit date and allocated an appropriate amount of hours each day to work on each area.

4. Once I knew how much time I needed for each activity instead of despairing that I didn’t have enough time, I made time by waking up at 4.30am and going to sleep at 9.30pm.

5. I created a routine and stuck to it religiously

   This is when the Guardian Monster started to get concerned.

After 2 weeks it became automatic. The mental barriers that the Guardian Monster sourced its power had gradually broken down.

I was relentless. I consistently pushed through the pain of the new routine and levelled up to new mental heights.

I was in the best physical and mental shape of my life. My morning before work was yoga, calisthenics and reading. I'd go to work after eating a healthy breakfast feeling energised and relaxed in mood. I'd come home do more yoga, study and practice for my exam before hitting bed and sleeping like a baby.

I couldn’t believe I was managing to get so much done and feel so well. It felt like I’d unlocked a cheat code to life.

Through the process of repeated exposure to discomfort I’d strengthened my mind.

The Guardian Monster didn’t stand a chance I’d become too powerful for it to control me anymore. It simply stepped aside and let me pass.

I resat my exam before going on a pre-planned trip to Vegas for my friends stag do for some much needed fun.

When I got back I remember sitting in my depressing old apartment on the day of exam results in the same seat I’d sunk into after finding out I’d failed previously.

I was just at peace doing nothing.

I knew whatever happened I could handle it.

I reached for my phone to check the time just as a message from my GP Trainer came through,

“YOU BOSSED IT PAL WELL DONE!!xx”

I looked back at the barrier gates where my Guardian Monster stood. It stared at me for a few seconds before giving me a nod of approval and respect.

I’m grateful to it really, it forced me to get stronger, it gave me the belief that I can be unstoppable and overcome any obstacle.

Since then I’ve been in the mental gym grinding everyday, nothing can be taken for granted.

Its important to maintain your improvements, make new goals and review them regularly. Spend time reading and learning, explore your mind. There are more Guardian Monsters and Barrier Gates to be found, strive to access the full experience of the life you want .

Life Coaching

As a Life coach I’m basically like a personal trainer that helps train you to fight your Guardian Monster.

The important thing is that it’s YOUR monster, I can help you get mentally fit and jacked, but your in the ring with your monster one on one.

I can’t fight it for you, nor can anyone else, otherwise you won’t develop the power to keep the monster at bay and it won’t respect you.

This is why I love Coaching, I spent so long building the courage to defeat my own Guardian Monster that I know exactly what that process of change feels like.

I know exactly what that triumph feels like as well and want to share in it with as many people as possible.

Thats all for now.

Lewis

P.S.

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