The Designed Alliance

Plowing through life on a one man mission seems like a noble endeavour. But even the mightiest heroes team up to take on extinction level threats when the time comes.

No I’m not being dramatic, the best version of your life is literally at risk of extinction.

I use the word extinction intentionally to emphasize the fact that this Life is already alive within you fighting to break free of barriers created by:

• Self doubt

• Procrastination

• Fear of Failure

And many more

In this letter I’ll discuss how teaming up with a Life Coach to create a ‘Designed Alliance’ is the best way to identify these barriers and Smash them down to release your full potential.

The term Designed Alliance is common within coaching. It comes from the framework established in the book ‘Co-Active Coaching’.

It describes the collaborative relationship between coach and coachee (client) in which all the conditions to achieve maximum effectiveness have been tailor made for the client.

Forming this relationship of mutual understanding and trust is the beginning of the coaching process.

This takes place during the intake or discovery session before any actual coaching takes place.

Creating the Designed Alliance

• The Client and Coach have an equal peer relationship and work together for the benefit of the Client.

• The Coach gives power to the relationship.

• The Client gives power to the relationship, but not to the Coach.

• Clients are then empowered by the relationship.

The coaching relationship is the energy source that Clients can draw from to tackle their goals head on. The energy is created from the desire and motivation of the Client combined with the skills and understanding of human change of the Coach.

There is no standardised form for designing the alliance relationship. The most important elements required are:

• Logistics

• Clients Current Reality

• Clients Desired Future

• Establishing Client’s and Coach’s Expectations

• Client’s Communication and Learning style

I’ll start with the biggest component, the Clients and Coach’s expectations.

How is Coaching Different?

Coaching has been around since the 1980s and has grown in popularity since. However because it remains unregulated there are many different ideas about what exactly coaching is. This leads to variation in client expectations.

I’ve found driving metaphors are really helpful for understanding how coaching differs from other interventions.

Coaching: Driving instructor providing encouragement and support whilst car is being driven, helps to become the best driver they can be.

Coaches empower people to progress towards their desired future destination, by providing feedback, encouragement and structure.

Another helpful way to understand the differences is found in the diagram below.

This covers the most common misconceptions about coaching from the clients point of view. Coaching is non-directive and future focused.

Awareness and Responsibility

Imagine standing in a security room, there's a special prize in the middle of the room that you want with all your heart. But to get to it you have to pass through a series of invisible lasers. If any of the lasers are touched it will alert guards who will come and kill you (or something less dramatic).

You’d probably be frozen still afraid to move for fear of touching the invisible lasers. Maybe at some point you'd feel motivated to move towards the prize but you end up triggering the laser and giving up.

What life coaching does is fill the room with smoke highlighting the lasers and making them visible. You can then move through the room avoiding hitting any of them because you can see where they are.

Now you feel confident to move towards the prize, you may even find some of the lasers just disappear altogether.

Coaches bring the smoke that helps to raise Clients awareness of their own barriers so they can address them and move forward.

Coaches can also raise awareness of your purpose, values and beliefs.

Imagine you’re about to do some sort of unpleasant task or activity that you know will positively benefit your life.

Imagine just as you’re about to do that task your Mum or Dad appears and lectures you about the importance of doing that very task and tells you to go and do it…

Nothing has changed in terms of the positive outcome that doing the task will have on your life.

But somehow being told to do it by someone else has completely destroyed your desire to do it.

Coaching works by acknowledging that the choice to take ownership and commit to action has to come from the inside.

By asking thoughtful open questions about the clients goals, the client is able to generate the ideas for themselves.

This inevitably leads to increased responsibility for the taking action. It creates confidence in their own capacity to be creative and solve their own problems.

This type of self motivation cannot be imposed.

Coaching is basically about asking a lot of questions to raise peoples awareness and responsibility.

These questions can initially seem quite uncomfortable for people. There's no right or wrong answer, they are completely open to your interpretation based on your life.

Its your Life

Why would someone who is not you be able to advise you about your life?

For a Sci-Fi fan like me the solution would be to create the technology to download your consciousness into another person.

Luckily until that technology is available we have life coaching, which is essentially the same thing.

Life coaches are individuals skilled in empathy and listening. Through the process of a structured conversation its possible to explore the depths of your mind- uncovering your values, beliefs, strengths, barriers and unique quirks.

This does the same thing in essence as downloading your consciousness into another person, this person can guide you to achieve whatever you really want.

From the coaches point of view the main expectations from the client are:

• They have time to devote to improving their life.

• They can keep appointments with themselves.

• They are willing to change and try new things.

• They are committed to taking action.

Logistics

Its really important to decide on an initial schedule for the coaching sessions that fits around the clients life.

For people engaging with a Life Coach for the first time, maximum value is obtained from a commitment to consistent regular sessions.

This provides the basis for solidifying learning and new habits which can be carried forward after the coaching course to maintain the desired change.

Coaches will usually offer an initial minimum number of sessions to be booked and committed to for new clients. There after the arrangement can be adapted to the needs of the client.

This will all be agreed in a contract as well as details such as:

Clients Current Reality

We need to establish where you are today and how you’ve got here.

This is a conversation about the issues you’re currently facing in life and the strategies you may have tried in the past.

Disappointments and successes are explored to evaluate what does and doesn’t work for you and identify what brings you fulfilment.

Exercises like the Wheel of Life can be used to make an overall assessment of how satisfied you are in different areas of your life and think about your priorities.

The 7 following questions taken from Co-Active Coaching perfectly sum up really getting to know you and what makes you tick.

1. Where do you want to make a difference in your life?

2. What do you value most in your relationship with others?

3. What works for you when you are successful at making changes?

4. Where do you usually get stuck?

5. What motivates you?

6. How do you deal with disappointment or failure?

7. How are you about doing what you say you’ll do?

Answering these questions tells the coach everything they need to know about you to design the perfect coaching relationship together.

Clients Desired Future

What future do you dream of?

Open your mind to what you really want to see, hear, feel in your future.

There’s no limits here, we are creating a compelling vision that will be brought to life through the achievement of goals, commitment, and changing habits.

We’ll need to clarify one or two key areas of change or end goals to work on during the coaching, there may be more but chances of success are improved when focusing on just 1 or 2.

We’ll work together to refine any vague or broadly stated desires into specific goals.

The start of a new coaching relationship is also an ideal time to consider who you are as a person and who you need to be.

Acknowledging the truth of your desired future may initiate a shift in your personal identity that makes way for the emergence of your authentic self.

Final Thoughts

I believe people naturally have all the resources, creativity and capability to achieve happiness, love and fulfillment.

Inevitably from their very first breaths their minds are gradually polluted with a mental smog that conceals some of these resources from view.

Knowing this how can I possibly judge anyone.

Everyone is just trying their best with what they think they have.

My mission in life therefore is to help people see they have everything they need to make their dreams into reality.

Thats all for now

Lewis

If you or someone else you know would benefit from Life Coaching, I’m only a DM away.

References

Co-Active Coaching- Henry Kimsey-House, Karen Kimsey-House, Philip Sandahl, Laura Whitworth.